Some Say…
You must know who you are & be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
That’s true.
However, who you are at your essence isn’t determined by superfluous details.
Are you beating yourselves up over your personal “checklist”?
If so, please stop.
I grew up on movies.
Old classic movies, musicals, 80s movies, romantic comedies, action flicks … I love them all.
I’m a creative person with an active imagination & that’s also why I gravitated towards writing, acting & performing.
I could envision myself playing a role in each and every genre:
Period piece, Western, Action, Romance, Comedy …
The movie “The Runaway Bride” focused on the fact she didn’t know who she was, what type of eggs she liked, what type of wedding she wanted …
It’s a romantic comedy, so it’s naturally a lighthearted and simplistic way to show that she had a pattern & always deferred to the men in her life. She was running and hiding from her true self.
So many I know (and knew) got married right after college.
And some are still together. Some.
Are you the same person you were in your 20’s?
The person or people you dated in your 20’s, can you imagine being with them now? I cannot.
I always had creative pursuits & I also really wanted a family. That’s a large part of who I am. I did not fore-sake one for the other. It was never one or the other, it was always both for me.
While pursuing my career in Los Angeles, I was always on the lookout for a good man that I believed would also be a good father. I didn’t find him in Los Angeles. Or Houston, to be blunt.
I have always tried to work on myself & ask myself the tough questions. To learn from my experiences, good and bad.
I have reinvented myself personally & professionally many times. I’m all about self-awareness, evolving & growth. It truly is necessary to tweak things and make changes and adjustments as you learn.
Because of this, I took a step back and looked in the mirror.
I wondered internally if the reason why I was so enamored with the fantasy of the movies & different characters was because maybe I didn’t really know who I was & what I wanted.
Nope, that’s not it.
I loved performance since I was young. Singing. Dancing. Acting.
It’s all a part of me and you love what you love.
I was inspired by the talent, life & career of someone like Michelle Pfeiffer.
She has my dream life.
She hit big when she was young, had an impressive resume and then she adopted a baby, met “the one”, settled down & focused on taking care of her family.
She would then do a film here & there (which made the public want to see more of her).
She truly has it all. Rare, I know. But I’m an optimist, always have been.
Coming full circle, not in my 20s (wink), I realized that I’ve always known who I am & what I wanted.
It simply didn’t pan out the way I had planned.
And that’s ok.
And I’m not finished.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but during Covid I think I truly got to know myself again.
Things slowed down & away from the chaos & stress, I had some epiphanies.
Besides my experiences, both professionally and creatively…
I realized I am a caretaker at heart without a special someone or family to take care of. A supportive helper at my essence. A do’er. A fixer. Sometimes to my own detriment. I also realized that actually, I had this figured out long ago.
I am a caring mother, without a child.
There is no official guide for women of a certain age when they come to terms with the fact they will not be a mother. That’s a much longer conversation, however, those in the same situation understand.
During that precious time during lockdown, it reminded me who I really am & what’s truly important.
I had simply allowed the chaos, stress & noise of life to distract me, beat myself up with my own expectations of myself & second-guessed my natural inclinations. But I always knew.
As the saying goes, “life happens while you’re busy making other plans”.
Yes, I have a firm grip on the type of eggs I prefer, but ultimately, none of that stuff matters in the big picture. We sometimes get bogged down in the minutiae and things that ultimately do not matter.
I will always be a creative person with creative pursuits.
It’s not that I don’t still have the same ambitions. I always will.
I have worked in very competitive industries in competitive roles.
I have reached a point in my life that while my career is important, my health, happiness & well-being is more important than anything.
It doesn’t matter where I live or what I’m doing for a living.
It only matters that I’m with someone I want to be with and all my caretaker tendencies and overall fabulousness is appreciated, celebrated & cherished.
Another words, it must be right.
Take care of each other & take care of yourselves.
💜
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Actress Writer & Acting Coach 